You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
