My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
