I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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