we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
