How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
