Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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