some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
