He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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