i jhust puked up my retainher.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
