If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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