my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
