I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need a beard to bite.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
