the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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