ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Where is the hickey?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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