i would punch a child for taco bell
I just threw up on my dentist
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
