I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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