you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
