YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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