Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
