We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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