Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
not ubering you a puppy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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