my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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