He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
