I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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