My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
