She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
