are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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