i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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