In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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