You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can you bring me the toilet please
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
