that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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