i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
