There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize