Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
