is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
