she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
