watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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