What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
