Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
