...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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