im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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