the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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