somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
