Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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