i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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