Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
