if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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