i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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