Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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