shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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