I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
