We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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