your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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