I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
