I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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