Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
