Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
