But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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