nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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