Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
