ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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